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Impartial Ian Botham brought in to host Match Of The Day

Integrity. Back bone. Balance. Just some of the things which have gone missing at the BBC.

Impartial Tory Party donors running Perverted Uncle Beeb have hit back just the once, not unlike Stanley Johnson. 'All BBC staff must remain completely impartial. The viewing public must be reassured that there is no political bias in anything they say or do. Employees should take a leaf out of Alan Sugar's toilet roll. Or the late, great Conservative campaigner Jimmy Savile.

'We have ourselves taken the only right decision, benching Gary Lineker for his disgraceful lefty liberal wokerati pinko bitch imbalance. It is not the job of anyone at the BBC to criticise this government. To that end, the very impartial Ian Botham will be brought in to host Match Of The Day this weekend. Ultimately, we think that the completely impartial Andrew Neil is the right man for the job. The show will be renamed Thatch Of The Day. And that's nothing to do with his hair.

'Ultimate bastion of impartiality, Nigel Farage will host Playschool, and the always balanced Jacob Rees-Mogg will do the news.'

Other Match Of The Day presenters have stood in solidarity with Gary Lineker, walking off the show. A colleague with more bias towards Newcastle than Lineker has towards crisps said, 'The only mistake Gary made was comparing government policy to Germany in the 1930s. He should have compared it to Russia in the 2020s.'

If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article, please contact NewsBiscuit and we will give all of you at the BBC your own voice to speak out against the tyranny of your far-right overlords.


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