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James Cleverly swapped for a rail replacement bus

After a series of gaffes, the Home Secretary is to be traded for something more reliable and less likely to break down in public. Arguably an upgrade, a bus can at least be trusted not to call each destination a $hithole.

Every time he opens his mouth there is no sense that he knows where his sentence is going or what route it will take. Complained one passenger: 'I'd thought I'd bought a return ticket to Skegness but instead got re-routed to a weird date-rape anecodate.'

The replacement service will be used indefinitely, while Cleverly is pushed into the political sidings. Explained one bus operator. 'We may take a little longer but at least everyone will get on board with our inappropriate jokes.'

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