top of page

Missing Crytoqueen may have changed her appearance to be like Carrie Symonds

Missing since 2017, around the time that Boris Johnson was made Foreign Secretary in the hope that Theresa May could get him as far away from parliament as practically possible, the FBI has taken a particular interest in his travels in the former Soviet Union and in particular how the disappearance of Ruja Ignatova happened to coincide with the appearance of yet another new mistress in the life of an inherently fallible politician.

Once upon a time, lipstick on your collar might have told a tale on you, but modern forensic science is able to not only tell which lipstick was on your dipstick, but tell from the lip prints who was wearing it.

NewsBiscuit is not at liberty to say more at this time, but we remind our readers that softly softly catchee monkey, and the chances of getting the fat bastard locked up in the short term may be better if the FBI handle it rather than rely on House of Commons procedures.


At the same moment our reporter posted this, NewsBiscuit received an email from a child who claims to be the lovechild of Boris Johnson and Ruja Ignatova, and on reading the news that Ruja Ignatova changed her appearance to look more like Carrie Symonds, wants to know if there's any chance of being a special case of a child getting fed under the current administration.

145 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Tories' cunning plan

The Tories, who are absolutely definitely not in the slightest spooked by the thought of being totally exterminated in the forthcoming General Election, are planning to appoint Paula Vennells as an em

Reform Party renamed the “D’yer know what?” Party

The continuing saga of the party headed by Nigel Farage, which in its time has been called the Referendum Party, UKIP, the Brexit Party and most recently the Reform Party, took another turn today as i


bottom of page