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Neighbour mowing bloody lawn again

Your neighbour is mowing his sodding lawn again, it has been confirmed.

Despite the fact he only mowed it two days ago , and also two days before that, he is giving it another good trim at 9am in the morning on a bank holiday weekend.

The torture of him turning on his electric mower and proudly marching it up and along his already pristine, Wimbledon centre-court-esque lawn, is expected to continue until at least 11am.

In the meantime, it has been revealed that your feelings of guilt and inadequacy at the pathetic state of your own overgrown patch of grass will continue to grow, a situation which will become even more acute when your wife observes that old Mr Richards next door has been busy in his garden, hasn’t he?

You will be able to enjoy half an hour of peace and quiet once he’s finished his lawn, it has been confirmed, until he gets out that bastard of a strimmer.

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