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Next culture war to be about women who don’t stand by their men

Newsbiscuit is proud to announce that for the first time in its history, it may have been able to influence government policy.

Your reporter was dismayed to see he was followed into a pub by a bunch of oiks from Tufton Street and had to overhear their witterings as they desperately tried to come up with new ideas on who to blame for the state of Britain under the Tories, other than of course, the Tories.

Luckily I found I had been given a shilling in the change for my pint of Olde and Filthye and decided to invest it in the juke box in the hope of drowning them out. Little did I know that the juke box hadn’t had it’s records updated since the 60s and without my spectacles, I had no idea which tune I’d selected, but as luck would have it, it cleared the riff-raff out of the pub when Tammy Wynette’s advice to stand by your man blared out and the Tufty Club unanimously said “That’s it! We can blame women who don’t stand by their men. The election’s as good as won already”

We can only speculate at this stage whether Sunak will capitalise on this theme to justify why he had to sack Suella Braverman, but some at Newsbiscuit HQ are coarsely saying that with a mouth designed for giving blowjobs, Cruella will almost certainly been making a few bob on the side that Sunak never knew about.

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