As a direct result of Brexit, the people who commit murder on the Orient Express have decided to outsource their killing to the EU. 'You just can't get efficient killers in the UK these days,' said an Orient Express murder organiser, adding, 'of course you can get inefficient killers, people who kill through neglect and greed. Most Tory MPs would happily accept a free ticket for the Orient Express and then spend the whole journey not negotiating with nurses and doctors, or prevaricating over lockdowns when its blindingly obvious they're going to be needed, but getting them to murder someone in a sneaky, hard to crack case is a tough one.
'The other reason is the paucity of detectives to solve serious crimes. With cuts to the police over the last 13 years we've lost our Holmes, Poirots and Morses, but retained our Clouseaus. We've even deported Kato.'