With only 305 shopping days left until Christmas, anxious shoppers have reported seeing a shortage of stollen and chocolate coins on supermarket shelves. The main supermarkets admit they are experiencing supply chain issues with fur tree growers and advent calendar manufacturers. Panicking shoppers have begun camping overnight outside stores, and police have made a number of arrests for violent disorder.
A shopper in Ipswich said: ‘Everything was fine until someone told me not to panic. As soon as I heard there were no mince pies at Asda, I went on eBay and got one for fifty quid.’
It is believed the panic was made worse when 'Stop the Cavalry' was accidentally broadcast on a Tannoy system.
NewsBiscuit Editorial insists that fur trees do exist, tortoiseshell being the most common variety.