‘I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to have a meat raffle’, one delegate told us, ‘but I don’t think Nadine will be the same after that. Penny’s quite hard, isn’t she?’
The two politicians both claimed the winning ticket for the top prize of a hamper of meat. The idea for the raffle had come from a focus group which had been asked to suggest some “fun, Northern things to do in Manchester” – and in fairness, “catfight between two drunk MILFs” had been second on the list. However, the event organisation had been left to the intern who runs the Conservative Party’s Twitter feed, so it was, predictably, an abortion.
‘Didn’t stand a chance’, one conference-goer told us. ‘Penny’s got forearms like a docker. Language to match. Nadine talks a good game but she’d taken on a bit too much refreshment – well, it was after midday – and her coordination was off’.
Both women have been offered contracts by PornHub.
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