On his rare visit to Pyongyang, Putin has been treated to a celebration of North Korea's success in battling famine and its lack of pizza toppings. A parade of tank-sized vegetables marched through the city, while emaciated children sung of their glorious hunger-pangs and preference for a low carb diet.
Officials told the Russian Leader that Kim Jung-Un had elected to feed the starving millions, by lactating: 'The Supreme Leader is able to metamorphosize at will and can produce a 1,000 gallons of full cream milk. The grateful masses will gather for his bounteous gift and sup upon his divine moobs. All praise his milky-goodness.
'Any leftover drippings from Kim Jung-Un will be coagulated into butter and cheese mountains, for the people to ski upon. We assure you there is no shortage of food, we just have an excess of stomachs.' Asked if he wanted to suck on some Un, Putin is said he was not that hungry.