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Rishi offers nudes in profile

As support slumps, the beleaguered PM has been forced to lure voters with erotic clickbait and items of Ministerial underwear. He has sprinkled his speeches with eye catching headlines as - 'Naked Greed', 'Rwanda policy stripped bare' and 'One colossal tit'.

An aide explained: 'Rishi guarantees 2.5% of GDP will be spent on defence and Viagra. He may be a bit behind in the polls but his pole is throbbing behind your bits. Oh yes, he'll put the dirty into dirty politics. It's erection day, baby!'

Coughing awkwardly, he admitted: 'Although, just to confirm, we won't be setting up an OnlyFans account, as that requires him to have some actual fans.'

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May 14

OMFG, what a sight!

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