An increasing number of innocently whistling Russian troops are now stationed on the border with Ukraine. Russian government sources insist they are planning an invasion themed Christmas party and not an actual invasion.
A Russian army spokes-bear said ‘Don’t worry, it’s all socially distanced. Our 100,000 troops plus our tanks, artillery and snipers are all 2 metres from the border. We’re not 10 Downing Street and if Boris Johnson says invading Ukraine is a red line, he must be talking about Michael Gove cutting his cocaine with cranberry sauce. It’s surprisingly festive. Plus if his name is Boris, he probably works for us, know what I mean? Anyway, this will all be over by Christmas, so enjoy your gas supplies – for now.’