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Terrified Putin withdraws from Ukraine after Liz Truss threatens to move to Moscow

According to the UN, Russian troops have pulled out from the border with Ukraine following Liz Truss’ threat to deploy the ultimate deterrent – herself.

Russian President and sometime bare-chested taxi driver Vladimir Putin said she was violating international treaties and codes of conduct. After quaking in his boots for thirty seconds, he made a statement: ‘The reckless actions of ‘The Truss’ were those of a deranged madman, much like myself. I thought Johnson was the worlds worse foreign secretary, what with trying to start a war with me over my world cup and saying I was like Hitler.

This crazy woman is talking about banning the import of our world-famous Baboushka dolls, which account for over 91% of our economy. Imagine having her living next door?

The only way we can counter such a terrifying threat is to hope that our glorious revolutionary inter-continental self–aggrandising missiles will shut her the fuck up.’

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