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Russian hackers not sure which idiot to endorse

Putin is torn between which Tory candidate is most likely to obliterate the UK, while making Boris Johnson look competent by comparison. Fortunately, the Tory Party is blessed with a glut of idoicy, corruption and comes with it's own self-destruct button.

Moscow said neither Sunak or Truss were sleeper agents, they just act like it. One GCHQ operative confirmed: 'In my experience, the British electorate needs no help in picking the worst of all options. How else do you explain James Corden'.

Admittedly both have made strong cases for their candidacy and a Darwin award. Said one Putin ally: 'They are equally dreadful, but on balance we'll support Liz - as it's funnier'.

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