Starmer appoints 'Kaa' Mandelson as his new chief of staff

"Following the resignation of Morgan McSweeney as the Prime Minister's chief of staff," said a Downing Street spokes-Mowgli, "Sir Keir has appointed Lord Peter Mandelson to replace him.

"Peter will bring a wealth of experience to the job as a backstage political operator and power broker.

"He has also promised us honestly and sincerely that he will never again crawl to very rich people and do them secret favours.

"Sir Keir 'Baloo' Starmer made the appointment this morning straight after Mandelson had fixed him with a hypnotic gaze and started to sing: 'Trust in me. Just in me. Shut your eyes and trust in me.'"

Lord Peter 'Kaa' Mandelson is 72 years old in snake years.

image by Grok