Sturgeon promises Scottish military aid to Ukraine



Following the commitment of £1bn of equipment from the breakaway rebel Southern British government in Westminster, the established mainstream government in the Democratic People's Republic of Caledonia has promised to provide complementary aid and weapons to Ukraine.


A spokesman for President Sturgeon announced the details at a press conference:


'See, all this stuff from the Johnson-led gorillas? it's all medium or long range, ye ken? It's all missiles 'n rockets 'n 'things, right? But what about when ye get tae close up fightin', eh? Ye cannae be asking yer enemy tae back off 50 miles, just so ye can bazooka 'em up the jaxie. So what we're doing is providing the brave Kyivvies wi' the lethal weapons 'n trainin' they'll need for hand-tae-hand fightin'.


'First, we're invitin' a company o' Ukrainians tae come and take part in some combat readiness trainin' in Glasgee. This'll include an Orange Walk along Janefield Street, right outside Parkhead. By God, they'll need tae keep alert there, eh!


'They'll be equipped with the very same close-combat weapons we'll be shippin' tae Kyiv. These'll include the Mark XVII Broken Bottle, the 'MindYerFingers' Cutthroat Razor, an' the 'HeidsOrWindaesWhoCares' Brickplus Special


'In the unlikely event of an armaments shortage in Kyiv, we will also be trainin' the boys - as a last resort - to welcome their Russian aggressors wi' open arms.

An' gie 'em a good ol' Kyiv Kiss!

'Mon the 'Krainians!'

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