At its peak the Tori empire stretched from the sunlit Sussex uplands to the frozen wastes of the Red, White and Blue Wall. Now all has turned to ashes as the Starmer Steamroller and the Reform barbarian hordes converge to crush the few remaining pockets of resistance.
Even when the ruling junta had trumpeted it had ‘taken back control’, it was undermined by a constant series of daring commando-type raids by the legendary cross-Channel Small Boats flotilla, some ironically from Dunkirk. And the plummeting of morale has led to the once-disciplined officer elite now being dubbed ‘The Deserting Rats’
Der Sunak is now trapped in a bunker deep below Downing Street. He has tried to rally his (very) few remaining troops with promises of new ‘wonder miracle’ policies, such as compulsory conscription for seven-year olds, an octuplet pension lock and reduced taxation for multi-billionaires. He has also been working on an inspirational speech that begins “We will fight them on the beaches (unless there is a clashing TV interview)”.
Der Sunak refuses to accept defeat, and has vowed to continue the struggle from a mountain redoubt in California. It is rumoured that there is a U-Turn boat moored at Westminster, packed with gold and umbrellas ready to whisk him away when the inevitable happens.
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