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Thermos of tea and an understanding nod not enough for ungrateful Ukrainians

Priti Patel reacted angrily last night after accusations that Britain was not doing enough to help Ukrainian refugees.

‘Honestly, just because their entire country is being razed to the ground by a malignant, remorseless psychopath doesn’t mean they have the right to live a dignified life in a civilised country, or even Britain’

‘We’re doing everything within our power to help these people’, she explained, seemingly without irony, ‘we’ve already sent them six remaindered Millets sleeping bags plus the left over profiteroles from our last Downing Street work meeting, but still they want more.

I even offered some of them the chance for a photo-op with me in my Home Secretary puffa jacket when I was over there but for some reason they were more interested in finding food and shelter for their children and elderly relatives, the ungrateful bastards.

Listen, as the daughter of immigrants I understand entirely the position they are in. Which is why I think the only humane thing to do is let them freeze to death on the steps of a British consulate in the arse end of Poland.’

Despite this many Ukrainians are still planning to make the move to the UK. Asked why she was so keen, Julia, a refugee from Kharkiv explained ‘For me, Britain is the land of opportunity. If Gavin Williamson can earn himself a knighthood surely anyone can make it there.’


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