Trump to ruin Ryder Cup by attending it
- Jeremynh
- 14 hours ago
- 1 min read
US president Donald Trump says he will be ruining the famous US versus European golf tournament by showing up to it in September. "Security will clear all the other spectators off the course while I am there, because I'm more important than them," bragged Trump. "They will also deport all the European players back to El Salvador, or wherever they come from.
"It'll just be me shouting 'Get in the hole,' while our invincible American heroes play their shots, and all the cameras will be on me because of the noise I'm making."
Donald Trump has also been telling the Ryder Cup selectors who should play in the US team and who should captain it. "People are saying I should be the team coach," he lied. "They're saying I could do wonders for the Ryder Cup players by teaching how to kick their balls out of the rough, toss them out of bunkers, and knock their contestants' balls off the green.
"I'll also be buying the course the Ryder Cup is played on using a stache of dirty money I'd hidden away from the taxman. Then I'll expel all the match marshals, so our great American sportsmen will be able to do what the hell they like.
"It will totally ruin the 2025 Ryder Cup, and kill the tournament for ever afterwards, but you have to get used to that kind of thing while I'm alive.
"Go Team USA!"