The government has stated that World War three, constantly forecast since 1947, is now officially on hold. 'There is too much infighting in the Conservative Party to consider fighting an outside threat, although we still think we can take the Lib Dems, definitely the Greens,' said a spokesman.
When asked if the government was concerned by WW3 starting from a less local proximity, for example Russia, the government spokesman stuck to the official line. 'Russia is busy right now losing in Ukraine, or not winning anywhere near as well as they would like plus, with a General Election due this year and the US election at the end they really have their hands full manipulating the votes.
'But if you really want to know what is going to happen this year, why not ask Rupert Murdoch? It's his agenda, not ours or the American's. If he isn't picking up his phone, ask to speak to his fiancé. Don't worry about interrupting her shagging his brains out, that happened between 0900 and 0901 yesterday,' he added.