Since the sudden death last week of Vulgaria’s much revered celebrity, The Child Catcher (real name Charles Catcher OVE), national mourning has turned to disbelief as newspapers have been inundated with revelations of serial child cruelty, sadism and even abduction.
Over fifty prospective images for a planned 2015 calendar were discovered on hard-drives and mobile phone devices during the dawn bust, some of which have already been classed as ‘Category A’ and ‘totally gross’.
Colin, who was at the time a moderately successful draughtsman for a small architects’ firm in Brentwood, joined the band in 1975 after meeting them at the infamous punk venue The Flob and Strangle.
Fringe Festival organisers have confirmed today that a man who has been delighting tourists on Edinburgh’s High Street is not an ‘artsy street performer’, but actually a local homeless man with alcohol issues and an aggressive personality disorder.
The clarification comes after the Guardian gave the man, known locally as ‘Mad Davie’, a five-star review. ‘Street theatre doesn’t get any better than this’, claimed critic Fenton Barnes in the misguided and widely-read review. ‘The boorishness of Mad Davie’s performance is a wonderful counterpoint to all that is going on around him – in Mad Davie’s hands being told to ‘eff off back where ye come from’ – is truly exhilarating.
Viewers of a DIY makeover show were left a little bemused last night as they watched the transformation of a house occupied by a normal healthy family. John Thompson, 49, and his wife Debra and two children were the lucky recipients of some fairly costly renovations to their ‘tired-looking’ home.
‘The producers asked me on arrival if I’d lost a child recently or if any of them were terminally ill, or disabled, or had Down Syndrome, spina bifida, meningitis, leukaemia, eating disorders, a colostomy bag or were being bullied or just ugly. My boy had tonsilitis a few years back but other than that everyone is fine,’ said Mr Thompson.