‘This is a question that is tearing our fragile democracy apart,’ he said in his opening address to more than 2,000 Afghan elders. ‘Issues of sovereignty and legal immunity with the Americans, while of vital importance to our nation, cannot even begin to be considered while we are divided on whether Ben Cohen or Abbey Clancy should raise that glitter ball trophy.’
An expert team of academics, working with some of Britain’s top code breakers and cryptanalysts, spent the last seven years studying and dissecting a pre-production commercial for this season’s must-have scent: ‘Labrynthé’ by Dior.
The playful spat between veteran broadcasters David Dimbleby and Jeremy Paxman has been blown apart after fellow political pundit John Humphrys appeared on live radio sporting a full array of metallic genital piercings.
‘It was like a piece of installation art,’ revealed a member of the Today programme production team, ‘special guest Rupert Grint didn’t know where to put himself – mind you, neither did John after all that.’
Thousands of men who live with their parents have criticised the latest instalment of the hugely successful Call of Duty franchise today, claiming the game ‘lacks the reality of real, hardcore modern combat’.
They are some of the most treasured artworks ever to have been created. Classics such as Cheryl Smythe’s ‘banch of FlOwaS’ (sic), described by dealers as ‘Acrylic on sugar paper’, a vibrant and original work measuring 14 centimetres by 10 centimetres, it was among those discovered among an ‘amazing’ hoard of art works in a forgotten cupboard of the medical room of St Saviours Primary School, near Bromley. Year Five teacher Dave Smith stumbled across them when he was looking for TCP and a Little Mermaid sticking plaster.