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Next EastEnders anniversary to be celebrated with real murder

well grittyIn a landmark TV event, the 31st anniversary of EastEnders will be marked with the live televised murder of a major character and the actor who plays them, according to the show’s producers.

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‘Fifty Shades effect’ blamed for rise in stupid bullsh*t

and now, a word from our sponsors...Media analysts are warning that the impending release of the film ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ could lead to a sudden spike in spurious, made-up tosh in newspapers that could be used as an excuse to print a picture of a half-naked woman tied up and blindfolded in order to sell a few extra copies.

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Bear Grylls publishes ‘To Grill a Flocking Bird’

existence of such a manuscript described as 'medium-rare'The book world is literally ablaze with astonishment today on reading the news that notorious agoraphile and mucky-pup Bear Grylls has stepped in to fill the bird-mocking void left by Harper Lee more than fifty-five years ago.

However, unlike Lee’s dreary black and white yarn of a mute lawyer imprisoned in a bird infested attic, Bear has crafted a complex and touching narrative that explores the positive aspects of racism, class, prejudice, injustice, and how best to catch and consume migrating wildlife.

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Charlie’s Angels sequel to star bearded male cast

liberty, egality, kipper tieA controversial sequel to the popular Charlie’s Angels movie has been announced this week, with a cast comprising entirely of bearded men from the West Midlands. The unexpected twist on the 2000 blockbuster comes just days after director Paul Feig announced an all-female cast for the reboot of the 1984 classic Ghostbusters, much to the dismay of many dedicated fans.

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Museums now on the look-out for loose appendage

some say an opportunity may have been missed...Following the revelation that the blue and gold braided beard on the mask of the pharaoh Tutankhamun had been hurriedly glued back on after it was damaged, archaeologists and museum conservators around the world are checking for other instances of bodged conservation.

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