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Booker Prize winner gives it all up for career in middle management

artistic perception of human frailties could come in really handyMulti-award winning novelist and screenwriter Kieran Henderson, who last year became the first author to win an Oscar for writing the screenplay to his own Booker-winning novel, has shocked the literary establishment by announcing that he is to put his pen away in order to create spreadsheets and do appraisals for people he hates.

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Damien Hirst’s autobiography will be ‘ironically’ full of spell errors

the metaphysical embodiment of wealth in the minds of those scraping a livingTo the equal delight of the art world and the frustration of most rationale print lovers, the notorious Turner Prize winner proposes to ‘redefine’ what we a perceive to be a ‘well written book’. Changes in font size, incomplete sentences and a cover-face smeared in formaldehyde, are among some of the ‘challenging’ aspects of Hirst’s book, which one publisher described as ‘being beaten around the head with a diamond encrusted skull’.

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Chimp show splits art world

An exhibition of paintings by ‘Daub Ya’, a 68 year old chimpanzee, has divided art critics after it went on show in a prestigious Texas gallery.

Daub Ya (real name George) began painting pictures of fellow animals he met from his time in the World Zoo, from where he was retired in 2008. Two portraits of bear friends, ‘Pooh-Tin’ and ‘Toh-Nee’ have drawn the most attention at the show, with one critic lauding them as ‘penetratingly accurate’, whilst most critics dismissed them as ‘risible’, ‘puerile’ and ‘utter shite’.

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‘Ebola’ bookies favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

a new superstar to consume the public's hearts and mindsThe odds of a non-UK resident winning series eight of the ever popular talent show have dramatically shortened today, with the late entry of an outbreak of virulent hemorrhagic fever from Guinea.

Seen as ‘more photogenic than SuBo’, the virus promises to be just as ‘virulent as Diversity’, as ‘deadly as Paul Potts’ and guaranteed to cause ‘more internal bleeding’ than Jai McDowall’s last album. The 2012 BGT tour was axed due to low ticket sales, but EBOV is committed to ‘filling emergency rooms up and down the land’.

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BBC warns flash photography can also occur ‘in real life’

Viewers may find some of the warnings distressingThe BBC has cautioned its audience that while it can warn people about news reports featuring flash photography, the Corporation is “powerless” to protect people from flash photography that occurs “off air” and away from television cameras in the course of everyday life.

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