The news written by you…


Husband fails to conceal adoration for University Challenge contestant

Oh, come on!Quiz fanatic Douglas Poulter was in hot water last night after an attractive female University Challenge contestant left him dumb-struck for several starters for ten.

The usually vocal know-it-all was conspicuously slack-jawed for at least five rounds of questions while he indulged in a silent reverie that featured the young history student in a translucent summer dress, a steamy Athenian grove, and a hastily devoured picnic of oysters and figs.

Read more >

BBC ‘a good thing’, say some people who work there

Government-approved letter hints at brilliance of revered national institutionThe continuing row over the licence fee escalated today, as the BBC rounded up all the celebrities it has under contract and got them to say how great it is.

Read more >

Jeremy Kyle fails to sort out Henry VIII’s love life

'Grab him by the Hamptons!'TV host Jeremy Kyle has admitted defeat in his bold attempt to distract Tudor monarch Henry VIII from his bid to divorce his middle-aged wife and overthrow the authority of the Papacy. The episode, entitled ‘You Had Sex With My Dead Brother, You Slag, Now God Won’t Give Me Any Sons’, is due to be aired next Wednesday.

Read more >

Taliban launch comeback tour with huge bang

Taylor Swift rapidly reinforcing her defencesJust when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, or in this case ‘a bicameral national legislature, comprising of two chambers’, it turns out it’s not. Like a blast from the past, or at least the detonation of a car bomb, the world’s favourite pantomime villains have returned with a cover-version of the 90’s Mullah-classic – ‘Boom! Boom! Shake Shake The Room’.

Read more >

Glastonbury Festival announces Right-Wing Field line-up

'Applaud them, or DIE!'The line-up to the Glastonbury Festival’s ‘Swing to the Right’ field, a stage dedicated to the promotion of un-progressive values, has been announced.

Read more >