In a heart warming end to NATO, the US revealed it had grown emotionally-but also territorially. Trump said. 'The true reward of a quest—is not the achievement itself, but the large mineral deposits in your soul.' He admitted that the Greenlanders had melted his heart and coincidentally melted their tundra to reveal prime real estate. You can not put a price on friendship he said, but you can put a price on acreage. He told the Greenlanders they always had the power to return

Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is complete

"I am not running a rescue charity for abandoned Conservative MPs," declared Nigel Farage, slinging an emergency dollop of Winalot into a bowl for Robert Jenrick at his Home for Stray Tories in Battersea. Just because I've taken in every cast-off Conservative cur dumped in our doorstep so far, from Rottweiller Anderson to Doberman Dorries, doesn't mean I'll be so soft-hearted in the future. "They're costing me a fortune in worming pills, besides anything else. So I'm making

Godthåb is the former name of Greenland's capital, which has not had this much publicity since Kristen Wiig sang Space Oddity to an empty pub as Walter Mitty dived into a chopper with a plastered pilot. As the increasingly sane, decent and rational President Trump plans to invade it because penguins manufacture oil out of polar bears, Senators considered whether passing a law clarifying that America cannot occupy a NATO territory  would make any difference. No. No it did not.

Winner: Bill Clay Runners-Up: "The 1898 to Basingstoke is still waiting for the connection." (Sinnick); "Jeez, there's a weird looking deLorean coming up the track behind us." (FlashArry).

"Our plan is to round up every Reform MP and local councillor, plus every other turncoat, defector and political has-been who has crawled into their ranks," said an ITV spokes-cathode tube, "and maroon them on an island to live in their natural environment.  "Here, there'll no political policy considered too despicable, or any act of treachery considered too vile. Journalists will be frog-marched into a never-ending press conference with Nigel Farage and the first one to stop

Number 10's apology to Buckingham Palace last week has sparked a number of copycat incidents with more buildings now seemingly wanting to...

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hat tip to mcdabble

January 2025 Yes, that’s right. It was only a year ago that Donald Trump was indicted as US President. Sorry, inducted. I’m getting ahead of myself. One of the new president’s first acts was to rename the Gulf of Mexico. It’s good to be clear about your priorities. And he blamed LA for setting itself on fire. And he was already trying to grab Greenland. Back then, Donald was still friends with billionaire donor Elon Musk. How times have changed. Elon had money to bu

Tensions are rising along the south coast of England as Dorset prepares to claim the Isle of Wight as its own. Dorset County Council has denied sabre-rattling. However at a packed press conference a council spokesperson stated:- “The Isle of Wight is vital for our security, and it is blatantly unable to defend itself against hostile actors. We have creditable information (supplied by the West Midlands Police ‘Intelligence’ Department) that the Island – or Wightland as we shal

Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor printed out a statement from his shiny metal ass: Greetings fleshy humans. I am Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor and I'm going to need your clothes, your boots and your far right partiy leaderships. I'm taking out the trash, the trash being the Conservative Party. I'm what happens if you take a pasty generic white man and exponentially increase both the whiteness and the pastyness. Is my face slightly too moist? I'll never tell. In my lust for glory

The government is to announce new powers making it easier to mobilise tens of thousands of paramilitary personnel to prepare for war. Under the terms of being accepted as a Scout, recruits had to swear they would follow the Scout’s duty before anything else, even though he gives up pleasuring himself, or comfort, or safety to do it. Legally, a spoken agreement has the same value in law, as a written contract. Whilst it isn’t expected at this stage that Scouts will be given we

Paul Singh (58) had doggedly stuck by the UK broadcaster through thick and thicker, enduring the BBC being accused of bias, corruption...

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