"We're offski," say Tower of London ravens
- Jeremynh
- 2 days ago
- 1 min read
"A lot of people have begged us not to go," chief raven Odin told reporters as he leafed through a brochure for holidays on the Algarve. "They think that if we leave the Tower, the kingdom will topple.
"But I reckon the UK's pretty much ready to go, anyway. The monarch has been reduced to some kind of court entertainer for Donald Trump. Britain's armed forces are no longer strong enough to defend a sandcastle. And Rachel Reeves can't ask for a single extra fiver from the financial markets without there being a massive run on the pound.
Added to that, there's every chance that Keir Starmer will be ousted and replaced as PM after the May elections by Angela Gawd-Help-Us Rayner.
"We don't have to put up with this. We're sinister, dark-hearted creatures and we're going somewhere we can have a future - a place where unprincipled rogues can walk tall and prosper, no matter how evil they are.
"That's right. We're flying off to live on the ramparts of the Kremlin along with our new ravenmaster, Moscow Nige."
