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Man stares into the fetid maw of his own mortality watching ITV2′s ‘Big Reunion’

No. God no. Not them as well...!Steven Harris (32) from Croydon, South London reported feeling the crushing realisation that his best years are far behind him while watching an episode of ITV2′s ‘The Big Reunion: On Tour’ last Thursday.

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‘All I want for Christmas is my two big boobs’ say UK’s 9 year old girls

Er...Girls in the 8-10 demographic have stated that what Santa must bring them this Noël is a pair of perfectly-formed, fully-grown breasts.

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Bank of Mum and Dad near crisis after Mum ‘attempts to float off Dad’

both sides need to recapitalise, and fast, before it's too lateThe phone lines of the well-respected Bank of Mum and Dad have been jammed by accountholders after rumours that the Dad side of the business has been in ‘secret deals’ with an allegedly ‘inappropriate non-financial institution’, with huge sums of the bank’s reserves unaccounted for. This has led the Mum side of the business to initiate a ‘float off’ of the more lucrative Dadbank franchise, and rumours that the Mum side might look for ‘temporary partnerships’ with newer, ‘more experimental’ institutions to ease the coming crisis and plan for future holdings.

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UK happiness rating downgraded by Moody’s

Moody's refusing to get over itIn a shock announcement, the measure of the nation’s happiness, the Wellbeing Index, has been downgraded by the emotional ratings agency Moody’s from ‘OK’ to ‘Don’t Ask’.

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America’s smokers mourn last man to make smoking cool

too coolAmerica’s smoking community is tonight trying to come to terms with the death of William ‘Billy’ Dark, widely believed to be the last man in the USA capable of making smoking appear cool, attractive and generally badass.

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