The documents leaked by Edward Snowden have yielded what may be their most shocking revelation yet: plans to infect millions of computers with malware to prevent them from working properly. This was devised by the NSA in consultation with a shady billionaire, unofficially named as ‘Bill Gates’, who had close links to many different arms of the US government.
Thousands of Facebook users have been left disappointed after a newly-released feature enabling users to view a 90-second clip of their friends’ ‘highlights’ since joining the network has left many facing the realisation that their friends are, in fact, ‘rubbish’.
Campaigners have today called for the offspring of sperm donors to be given the legal right to learn the identity of the person their biological father was mentally getting jiggy with when he donated his DNA.
Years of extensive illegal surveillance of our gaming habits has led to the shock revelation that the public ‘don’t just simply dislike’ hog-kind, but they actively ‘loathe’ all swine and their constant ‘flouting’ of building regulations.
Middle-aged geeks are anticipating another year of broken promises, as the mediocre reality that is 2014 falls short of our vision of cloud cities, time travel and cheese in a can. Despite a decade elapsing since Arthur C. Clarke’s guarantee of alien contact, we are still to see automatic doors that go wooosh, Betamax in HD or a decent tune by One Direction.