Jedis disappointed with new ‘energy-saving’ lightsabers
‘These new lightsabers are rubbish,’ complained Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. ‘They take ages to light up and when they do you can barely see anything with them.’
ScienceBiscuit
Vatican defies critics over new ‘simplified’ privacy policy
The Roman Catholic Church has been defending its new privacy policy, following concerns that the latest changes may allow the Church to sell confessional data onto third party organisations.
Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’
‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’
Nokia unveil N0-M8s; the world’s first ‘Smart Human’
‘Customers with the No-M8s implant will be capable of remembering dates and talking to other ‘End users’ verbally as long as they are within range, all without the use of a handheld device.’
Scientists abandon search for life at utility company call centres
‘After spending 40 minutes listening to hold music, we’re better off trying to contact extra terrestrials many light years from earth,’ concluded scientists.
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