NewsBiscuit

Royal Leamington Spa Polo Club is attempting to bring the sport of polo, traditionally an upper class activity, to a wider section of society by allowing players who may not be able to afford their own horse to compete instead on pantomime horses.

‘The sport of kings should be open to everyone,’ said the club’s president, Jonathan Stares-Hune. ‘From my understanding, while poor people may not always have horses, they do sometimes have as many as two friends who could dress up as a horse and be ridden around a field. Obviously we wouldn’t want their relatives coming to watch them – it would lower the tone – but they could probably watch the highlights on Sky. All council houses come with satellite dishes, don’t they?’

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‘I thought it was right that Chris Huhne should keep the Energy Secretary armband,’ said the outspoken Italian. ‘Someone should not be punished until it is official that he has deliberately conspired with his ex-wife to knowingly deceive the authorities. This will be a big loss to the Cabinet and the Lib Dems.’

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The Football Association has finally bowed to pressure and removed John Terry from the role of captain of the England football team, replacing him with Labour MP Diane Abbott. Mrs Abbott is expected to slot into Terry’s role at the centre of defence, significantly strengthening the national squad for the European Championships this summer.

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Footballing macho man Robbie Savage gave 110 per cent every game and never shirked a challenge. But there was one thing he could never admit to, until his career was over and his book had come out. Robbie Savage had been hiding a terrible secret. He was a thespian.

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‘They have that innate affinity that marks out all the great synchronised swimming teams. When David suddenly lurches to the right, Nick instinctively follows – they are inseparable.’

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