SportBiscuit
The successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.
Following an attempt yesterday by six-time Olympic gold medallist Sir Chris Hoy to retire from professional cycling, the Work and Pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith has immediately legislated to require all members of team GB to continue professional competition ‘until at least 75 years of age, preferably longer’.
Cricketers in the Somerset village of Charlton Pilchered, who finished bottom of their district league last summer, will not be permitted to enter the competition this year.
Critics have suggested late President Hugo Chavez has been dead for weeks. ‘What better way to try and hide the news than when the when world’s attention is on a dodgy refereeing decision in Salford.’
White smoke billowing from the Vatican’s Fiorentina End chimney this morning signalled a shock turn of the managerial roundabout at Europe’s top institutions of football and religion.
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