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No point arguing with you in this mood, FA tells England Lionesses

The Football Association has defended itself over the furore about its allegedly sexist tweet on the return of the England Lionesses team from the Womens’ World Cup. It has accused critics of ‘completely overreacting, as usual’ and declaring that ‘it’s no use arguing with you when you’re in this kind of mood’.

The tweet, which welcomed the Lionesses back as ‘mothers, partners and daughters’, has caused outrage among fans of the team, which enjoyed the most success of any England team in a World Cup since 1966. The FA has responded by deleting the offending message, replacing it with ‘Fine, have it your way… #cantbloodywincanI’ but strongly denied that it is an inherently sexist organisation.

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Blatter escapes disguised as the Von Trapps

how do you solve a problem like a Fifa?...Taking inspiration from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, the outgoing FIFA president has fled over the Swiss mountains dressed as a Bavarian singing troupe. Resplendent in pigtails and lederhosen, Mr Blatter has escaped an oppressive fascist regime in search of eight-part harmonies and no extradition treaty.

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World Cup official supplier of brown envelopes denies wrongdoing

Official partners and sponsors of the FIFA World Cup have been quick to issue statements denying any wrongdoing after a number of FIFA officials were arrested on corruption charges in Zurich.

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McDonald’s World Cup Sponsorship Special Menu

Blatter Special Meal
A special beef pattie is smothered (along with all dissenting voices) by glutenous aged swiss cheese.

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FIFA awards FBI investigation contract to the Mafia

In a surprise turn of events, the world’s football governing body has revealed that the Cosa Nostra has been chosen to host the 2016 corruption probe – by a unanimous ballot of ‘people with a Swiss bank account’. Despite what had been seen as a strong bid by the FBI, when the votes were counted, it transpired that everyone including the FBI had voted for the Mafia and signed their slip ‘love from – Sepp’.

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