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Manchester United crowds to be banned from looking at scores

"Moyes, Moyyyyess!"In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Manchester United officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and anything else that might bring about access to the league table from within the hallowed portals Old Trafford.

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1966 World Cup Spectators Association to disband

It's all over. They think it is now!Veteran spectators of England’s only World Cup win are to finally disband as membership dwindles and survivors find it increasingly difficult to travel.

Each summer they have returned to the turf of Wembley Stadium to commemorate the heroes who gave so much for so many, and reminisce about the day that became etched on our collective consciousness for so many decades.

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‘Look, can we all just focus on the poverty?’ says Brazil

it's only a gameBrazil has come out united in the fact that it’s the country’s disgraceful levels of poverty and inequality we should all really be focusing on.

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Tour de France latest: Yorkshire folk ‘adopting French ways’

Vive les rosbifs!The population of Yorkshire has really taken the Tour de France to heart and is beginning to adopt French mannerisms and tastes as a result, according to reports coming in from ‘God’s own County’.

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FIFA rules Luis Suárez must be fed before matches

'om nom nom', as they say in UruguayAfter reviewing footage of Tuesday’s incident in which Luis Suárez appeared to help himself to a chunk of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini, Fifa has instructed the Uruguay striker’s handlers to ensure that he is ‘fed prior to all future matches’.

‘Ninety minutes is a long time to go without a snack, so it’s understandable that Luis began to feel a little peckish’, said FIFA’s head chef, Sepp Blatter. ‘Yet no matter how tasty an Italy defender may appear to a famished striker, we really must insist that he lunches before, rather than during, competitive fixtures.’

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