In a surprise turn of events, the world’s football governing body has revealed that the Cosa Nostra has been chosen to host the 2016 corruption probe – by a unanimous ballot of ‘people with a Swiss bank account’. Despite what had been seen as a strong bid by the FBI, when the votes were counted, it transpired that everyone including the FBI had voted for the Mafia and signed their slip ‘love from – Sepp’.
Oxford clinched the title and Cambridge were relegated In a nail-biting final day of the new Sky Boat Race Premier League.
As the new Sky Premier League of Boat Racing coxed off yesterday afternoon, hopes were high for Cambridge. With a mixture of youth and experience, many pundits said they would be ‘there or thereabouts’ come the end of the season. But at the end of an exhausting campaign, a very different picture emerged. Cambridge were at rock bottom, with a record nobody wants – the least number of points for any side since the Sky Boat Race Premier League began.
Chief Executive David Richardson told a press conference today that the tournament had taken on an unstoppable momentum with new countries joining every day. ‘We’ve tried to stick to the original schedule,’ said Richardson. ‘But the final should have been last week and now we’ve got 3 times as many teams as when we started.’
Representatives of Europe’s biggest Christian groups had said that they were against a winter World Cup on the grounds that it would overshadow the build up to the annual festival, popular for about the last 2000 years, but FIFA President Sepp Blatter argued ‘Compromises will need to be made. There’s no reason why a religious festival celebrated by millions around the world shouldn’t be moved.’