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UK-Biscuit

Palace recalls faulty batch of knighthoods

'What was one thinking?!'Buckingham Palace has issued an Emergency Recall Notice on dozens of honours – including top-of-the-range knighthoods – over concerns that some were issued in error and may constitute a public health risk.

‘Our first priority is public safety’, said a spokesman. ‘This is purely a precautionary measure, and the vast majority of honours are perfectly harmless. For example, if you received an honour for doing something unglamorous and noble, the risks are infinitesimally small.’

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Gaviscon heartburn firemen call 24 hour strike

Britain is facing a heartburn epidemic after stomach-based firemen called a 24 hour stoppage. The pint-sized firefighters, employed by Gaviscon, walked out in sympathy with public sector firemen yesterday, leaving alimentary canals across Britain seriously undermanned.

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Tour de France latest: Yorkshire folk ‘adopting French ways’

Vive les rosbifs!The population of Yorkshire has really taken the Tour de France to heart and is beginning to adopt French mannerisms and tastes as a result, according to reports coming in from ‘God’s own County’.

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Airfix criticised for not including any aircraft with scale model of HMS Queen Elizabeth

mustn't grumbleUpset parents have been calling for a boycott of Airfix after their new 1:350 scale, self-assembly model of the Royal Navy’s HMS Queen Elizabeth was launched without any tiny replica aircraft in the box.

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Father admits he didn’t actually spend summer outdoors

preferred staying in watching Muffin the MuleUnder pressure from his ten-year-old son Jacob, Bromsgrove insurance claims adjuster Roger Wyatt has admitted that he didn’t actually spend his formative summer holidays playing with sticks and fording rivers.

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