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Chelmsford man holds referendum on paying his bills this month

Paul Willis of Chelmsford has taken the unusual step of opting out his financial responsibilities while at the same time demanding that his neighbours continue to send him food parcels and mow his lawn. Inspired by the Greek people, the 66-year-old hairdresser took a detailed poll of all those living at his address, including the cat, and received a unanimous mandate to stop paying his mortgage, tipping waiters or funding future Christmas presents.

‘I have taken a democratic decision to ignore my existing debts and I would ask my creditors to respect that,’ Willis told the Chelmsford Reporter. ‘To begin with I was a little unsure, but choosing not to pay has been a great weight off my shoulders. And to those I owe money to I would say, please keep putting things on my tab, I’ll settle up eventually – honest.’

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Health & Safety noticeboard leaves three hurt, one mildly giddy

stay away from the information!Three office workers have been injured after attempting to take in all the information displayed on the Health & Safety noticeboard in their workplace’s canteen.

One of the men, who doesn’t want to be named for fear of having to fill out a form, suffered mild light-headedness saying “It’s ridiculous! All that information in such a small space. How can we be expected to absorb it all in one go? I need to lie down. And when I recover, I’ll be putting in a claim.”

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Family of twelve feared to have travelled to Margate

life beyond compare awaits you thereThree generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. “We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of PhotoShopped beaches, images with pensioners airbrushed out and, of course, you can’t smell wee on a web page,” said a senior detective working on anti-radicalisation duties with Scotland Yard.

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London emergency services practice for Murray exit

expected to reach highest state of alert early next weekIntelligence officials have closed down sections of the UK’s capital, in order to stage a simulation of the terror conditions that will occur in the wake of the Wimbledon Champion ‘choking in the quarter finals’.

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UK approves ‘Gay-er marriage’

'wheel out Kylie!'Not to be out done by the United States’ decision to legalise same-sex marriage, the British judiciary has laid out plans to take marriage in general to a whole new level of kitsch.

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