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Arab-Israeli conflict settled as Netanyahu & Hamas meet for ‘a few cheeky pints’

all it took was a decent manly seshBenjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Khaled Mashal last night announced a lasting settlement to the Israeli-Palestine conflict following a night of negotiations over eight pints of Fosters in the Lamb and Flag pub, Walthamstow.

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Nominations for 2015 spring uprising due in

phone lines are now openThe United Nations applications deadline for the next country or countries to host a popular uprising expires today, with a wide field of candidates vying for the coveted spring 2015 slot.

‘The annual spring uprising has become an international event,’ said Lars Hofmeister, head of UN peacekeeping operations. ‘The list of applicants this year was likely to be longer than ever,’ he said, ‘with around 30 to 40 nations all bidding for the right to hold a destabilising and potentially violent revolution to cause problems for or even overthrow an existing government.

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Kim Jong-Un found hiding in woman’s nostril

Greatest nose-dweller ever. Fact.A woman is said to be recovering well after discovering Kim Jong-Un hiding in her nostril, ending weeks of speculation about the North Korean leader’s whereabouts.

Donna Onions, a 24 year old medical student from Edinburgh, thinks she may have picked up the North Korean dictator while backpacking in East Asia. ‘At first I thought the blockage was just an annoying little blood clot caused by the long flight,’ she said, ‘or maybe a thrombosis caused by a motorcycle accident I had in Penang. But then the doctors took another look and that’s when I got quite a nasty shock.’

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New ‘Dad’s Army’ cast ill-prepared for Ebola storyline

fans were wondering who'd spot that firstScriptwriter Hamish McColl has been told that he needs to ‘reboot’ his big-screen remake of the 70’s sitcom, in a way that reflects the perils of modern warfare.

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Drone strike hits Cameron as he claims to be a ‘friend’ of Afghanistan

The UK Prime Minister was forced to dig himself and the new Afghan President, Ashraf Ghani, out from under a pile rubble – left by the impact of a surgical drone strike.

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