The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague’s nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is ‘monitoring the situation’ but told the Commons ‘further action could upset the balance in the Middle East at a difficult time, and despite personal discomfort, and the alleged illegality of the building, we think the best option is to maintain calm and keep a watchful eye on developments in my nose.’
Spain is now claiming that the previously inconspicuous British territory is rightfully theirs due its proximity to Spain, and Spanish border officials have been causing severe delays to anyone attempting to cross the border with Bongobongoland by carrying out lengthy checks on vehicles. In addition they have been charging a 50 Euro (100 Bongoese Pound) fee, and have also been threatening to investigate the tax affairs of any Bongobongolander living or working in Spain.
While the world has feared that South Africa’s revered former president, Nelson Mandela, may not have long to live, his aides remain unconcerned and insist there is no way he will be taken from us before he has finished every last item on the ‘bucket list’ he drew up in his final year in prison on Robben Island.
Disney World in Orlando, Florida has become the first theme park in the world where staff dressed as adorable, stereotypical characters can be shot on sight if they ‘step too close’ or appear to be on the verge of causing emotional trauma in visiting adults and children.
The Egyptian army have removed the Muslim Brotherhood from power after they consistently attempted to deliver on their manifesto commitments, dashing hopes of a nascent Western-style democracy run by bunglers, liars and posh clueless twats nobody voted for.