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Murder fears hit Scandinavian tourist industry

nobody mentioned anythiing bleak in the brochureFewer people are making leisure trips to Scandinavia, for fear of being hideously murdered or being overcome with the desire to kill another, according to tourism analysts.

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Bitcoins to be replaced with Lego

long track record, future proofAs the MtGox Exchange files for bankruptcy, virtual investors have been frantically looking for an alternative currency that could provide the twin qualities of stability and an ever present threat to bare feet.

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World leaders express concern as Liverpool annex Man Utd

it's for the best in the long runLeaders around the world have resolutely condemned the annexation of Manchester United football club by Liverpool FC despite a hastily held referendum showing 95.5% support among the Man U fans for secession to its more powerful neighbour.

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Illuminati estate agents gloat as Crimea crisis deepens

safe havenskiAs the stand-off between Russia and Ukraine continues, the Illuminati are cackling with glee as their plans for world domination through manipulation of the London property market fall quietly into place.

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Parisian waiter ‘accidentally nice’ to English family

claim on insurance for distress dismissed with unapologetic shrugIn an unprecedented disruption of normal relations between France and Great Britain, a Paris waiter has admitted being ‘accidentally nice’ to an English family visiting Paris.

The Hatcher family from Letchworth, Herts, are still ‘in shock’ after the incident in which bistro waiter Georges Latour smiled and wished the family ‘A bientôt’ and politely thanked them for the adequate tip which had been left for him. Graham Hatcher said: ‘We were completely shocked and I could see that the children were scared and upset. The holiday had been lovely up to then, typically Parisian.

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