Popes agree to appear in 50th Anniversary of Dr Who

Traditionally Popes sign an exclusivity deal when appearing in any syndicated show but the Vatican has made an exception for this landmark event, with not one but two Popes! Pope Benedict’s last appearance had been about an alternate universe where Nazis had taken over the Vatican, but the lure of working again with Billie Piper proved too much of a temptation for the aged pontiff. As usual fans will argue over who is the definitive Pope but all agree that it was not Pope Joan (played by Sylvester McCoy).

The episode, to be screened on 23 November, is titled 'All roads lead to Rome' which fans have interpreted as a veiled reference to NSPCC investigations from earlier seasons. It will feature the return of the Cybermen and the Pope’s arch nemesis the Methodists.

Obscure actor's obituary dominating coverage as no other news at Christmas

An actor, who most people had forgotten about, and who nearly everyone presumed had died several years ago, has now actually died. Because of the lack of normal news at Christmas, his obituary is getting a volume of coverage usually reserved for much more famous or noteworthy people.

Warren Wright was a moderately regarded stage actor, who sold out gradually over his career. After some small TV and radio roles, his breakthrough should have been as the lead in a bawdy 1970s sitcom. However the show was swiftly cancelled due to the sheer ferocity of its racism and Wright's TV career was effectively ended. The racism was such that BBC News obituary could only show Wright in stills rather than any video clips. Toby Young quickly remembered to list it amongst his favourite hidden gems because you can't say anything any more.

Wright's agent Vivienne van Voort said 'This is amazing, his face is everywhere, he'll just die when I tell him - oh right, yeah.'

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Breaking news - Santa tests positive!

Children the world over are being urged to sanitise their presents and undergo lateral flow tests until the New Year as the North Pole has confirmed that Santa has tested positive following this year's marathon present giving around the planet, according to a SpokesElf today.

'Santa has been particularly careful this year, staying in self isolation in the North Pole for most of it, but has been making guest appearances around the world over the last couple of weeks,' the SpokesElf stated. 'In the main Santa has maintained social distancing, kept his sleigh well ventilated and has undertaken lateral flow tests daily. There was one particularly raucous party in Downing Street a couple of nights ago and Santa thinks that may be where he picked up the virus,' the elf added.

Downing Street denied there had been a party with Santa in attendance, but confirmed there had been a work related gathering. 'In response to unproven criticism over alleged "Secret Santa" events last year we decided to have an overt Santa event, in the interest of transparency,' said a government spokesman today.

A Conservative MP who didn't want to be named 'in case I end up on the naughty list again' said the uproar over Santa's super spreader event was over the top. We have have argued about the excessive impact of elfen safety for years.'

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