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Project: Evil - the ultimate guide to project managing the end of the world


Before Musk, Trump and Putin, B L O'Feld led the field in World Domination.


Barry Liam O'Feld, CEO of B L O'Feld Megalomaniac Industries (BLOMI), wants a super evil secret lair building in a remote South Seas location to destroy the planet or possibly worse, so he needs a project manager; which is fortunate as Brian wants a job. Unfortunately Brian is a catering manager, so naturally he lies. Luckily for Brian, lying is a core value for O'Feld Industries.


In Project: Evil follow the progress of Brian’s project meeting by meeting, observing the interaction of the various stakeholders from the project sponsor to the humble henchpersons employed as cannon fodder as Brian struggles to keep the project on track. Not only does he have to cope with the warped logic of a company that doesn’t value its own life let alone that of its enemies, he has to deal with the unwelcome advances of the octogenarian Secret Service agent James Bund while also somehow project managing the Christmas office party as O’Feld rushes to beat his peer megalomaniacs such as Doktor Negatif and Gold Digit to be the first to destroy the planet.


If project management has ever seemed a mystery, a black art or even (improbably) a dull activity then Project: Evil may be the only book that will make you realise just how funny the subject can be. It may even help you understand why the bad guys feel inclined to run around in sh!t coloured pyjamas when the going gets tough. Recommended reading for all project managers and sufferers of their art form everywhere.


Ray Sullivan is a writer and editor for Newsbiscuit. He has ten novels published ranging in genres from comedy, science fiction and thrillers.



Available in ebook - £1.99


and


paperback format £5.99


Best of Newsbiscuit - March 2024




March 2024. We were all preoccupied with the looming elections both here and abroad, with plenty of media coverage for all the parties in the UK and for Donald Trump in the USA. The royals were going down like nine pins, and this generated a photoshopping scandal. Although - is scandal the right word? Bits continued to fall off Boeing aeroplanes. The UN called for a ceasefire in Gaza. That went well (irony). But they got there eventually. The Boat Race was a bit, err, unpleasant, after Thames Water refused to install motion sensors.


Here is a selection of the top stories that month, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


General Election


US Election


Royal Family


Other Stuff


And here is a selection of the best headlines from March 2024


Diane Abbott: Tory donor was rude about me 30 times, no, 3000 times, no, 3 million times

Thames water bills must rise or dividends will dry up

Surveillance of dog kennels is dubbed a Snoopy's charter

UN Security Council calls for immediate ceasefire in Tory Party

Home Insulation Targets laid out in Government's New Draft Plan

Boat Race crews say they just went through the motions this year

Russian Presidential Election: Putin practising his surprised face

Photoshop applies for royal warrant

Sexual orientation acronym longer than alphabet

Spoonerism quipsters all ready for Psalm pun day


Picture credit: Wix AI

Horoscopes for March by Tinkerballs



Aries


You gran may be bedridden but I advise that you don’t visit her unless accompanied by a lumberjack this month.


Taurus


If you must walk through the forest, may I suggest that you take a decent satnav with you, rather than leave a trail of breadcrumbs. Come on! It’s 2025 for goodness sake.


Gemini


Those of you with porcine characteristics are advised to stay with relations this month. Your jerry-built houses rented from private landlords will not be able to withstand Storm Wolf which is forming in the Atlantic.


Cancer


Times are hard. Food and fuel costs keep rising. However, sending your idiot son to sell your cow at the market can lead to very unexpected events. Do you feel lucky? Well, do you?


Leo


You will wake up naked on the seashore and meet a handsome young man. However, you are not a little mermaid who was given a potion by the Sea Witch so that you can walk among humans. Your drink was spiked in that bar in Benidorm. The only part of the fairy tale that is true for you is that you were legless last night.


Virgo


Hey, princess. No-one is going to believe you caught herpes ‘kissing frogs’ down at the riverbank. Better just ‘fess up.


Libra


A word to the wise: you may feel that your property is secure; what with it being in a castle in the clouds. However, you may find that a sneak thief steals a bag of gold coins, a magical hen that lays golden eggs, and a golden harp. Better install some CCTV before it’s too late


Scorpio


If a swarthy man with a bald head, topknot, bare chest and baggy silk trousers approaches you and offers to grant you three wishes, run away and don’t look back. I shouldn't really need to tell you that!


Sagittarius


You will have a long, surreal conversation with a person in a mirror through the night. The mirror won’t be magic, but the mushrooms you ingested two hour before will have been.


Capricorn


If you share accommodation with seven miners of restricted growth, you would be well advised not to eat any fruit offered to you by a weird old woman. Instead, carry on with your routine and, eventually, I handsome prince will call by, you will fall in love ,and live happily ever after. Just remember that bit about the old woman and the fruit. OK?


Aquarius


You may meet someone who has an unattractive appearance. To such an extent that their friends call them ‘the Beast’. You may try to convince yourself that deep inside they are kind and caring. They won’t be. They are a total arse!


Pisces


Refrain from eating shish kebabs this month. One of the skewers will be one of Rumpledforeskin’s spindles. You will be forced to spin straw into gold forever. What do you mean this sounds like a fairy tale? Do you think I’m making all this stuff up?


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