Heathrow Airport yesterday declared a major incident at the UK Border following the Home Office confirming that migrants would require A-Level standards of English. At hastily installed booths for a pilot study, visitors were being given two hours to answer questions on Othello to receive a stamp in their passport and be granted entry to the country. Despite being their native tongue, one holidaymaker from the United States was struggling with the text and questions. 'How doe

Nigel Farage today called for the banning of all vampire and Dracula based imagery and costumes due to the characters Romanian roots. 'We have perfectly fine Great British ghosts, ghouls and witches,' he told journalists, 'why should we be celebrating a foreign character with a history of easily evading customs as a bat as well as creating significant numbers of further vampires demanding British blood.' Mr Farage also went on to forge links with the Romanian Traveler communi

A giant quarry possibly as much as 30 years old has been discovered in Oxfordshire on the site of some dinosaur footprints.  The quarry has been left intact and seems to have been used by trucks, diggers and tippers to remove limestone.  "Once we level the dinosaur footprints we'll have a clearer view of just what we have found," said Emma Nichols from Oxford University's Museum of Natural Quarries.  "It's certainly the biggest find of its kind in Europe." Story by: rogt Phot

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Her Royal Shakiness, The Queen Consort, has been told not to wear that big blingy crown with the massive diamond in the middle of it for...

Many countries have figured out that Donald Trump loves to be flattered, and that it puts him in a good mood.  Less likely to impose tariffs, slag you off, invade, or send JD Vance to visit.  That sort of thing. And many countries are also keen to avoid devaluing their honours systems by polluting them with The Donald.  So they are making up honours to award to the US President.  They know he doesn’t care about this, as long as there is an Instagrammable awards ceremony with

October 2024 After all that stuff about a fiscal black hole, and the winter fuel payment thing, there was considerable anxiety about the Budget. Sound familiar? Rachel Reeves delivered her budget on October 30 th and whacked businesses with big rises in National Insurance and minimum wage costs. Still, at least she didn’t break any manifesto commitments. Kind of. The Conservatives continued to grind through a leadership election process, hampered by the complete lack of any

Channel 4 has announced a new gameshow where members of the public choose a shower cubicle that contains a shower unit modelled on one of the thousands of shower variants used in British hotels, disrobes, enters the cubicle and works out how to start the shower and set the temperature while being filmed by upwards of twenty cameras. 'British hotel shower controls are notoriously difficult to operate and extremely variable in terms of the way they work - is it a push, pull or

During the conclusion of US President Donald Trump's address to the Israeli Knesset, he raised the eyebrows of more than a few by thanking them for electing him President of Israel. 'It's so nice of you all to be here today,' he told the assembled representatives, 'it was a pretty difficult campaign but I think we deserved it. Some are saying no-one has ever been president of two different countries before but we did it. I did it." Benjamin Netanyahu seemed shell-shocked but

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The Trade Agreement Collector's world is reeling from the news that a rare copy of a draft of a Brexit deal which hadn't been signed by...