Best of Newsbiscuit - March 2024

March 2024. We were all preoccupied with the looming elections both here and abroad, with plenty of media coverage for all the parties in the UK and for Donald Trump in the USA. The royals were going down like nine pins, and this generated a photoshopping scandal. Although - is scandal the right word? Bits continued to fall off Boeing aeroplanes. The UN called for a ceasefire in Gaza. That went well (irony). But they got there eventually. The Boat Race was a bit, err, unpleasant, after Thames Water refused to install motion sensors.

Here is a selection of the top stories that month, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.

General Election

Galloway: "We'll take seats from labour, providing they don't stand, obviously" 

Tory election candidates: standards watered down again 

How dare you bully Diane Abbott, says Labour, that's our job 

Ofcom has launched an investigation into Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg's breeches

US Election

Trump: My 4-goal haul in 1966 World Cup Final will never be beaten 

Royal Family

Photo edited to imply Prince Harry has spine

Other Stuff

Boeing to use 'much stronger glue' in future 

Garrick Club doubles down and bans men as well as women 

Student with £231k loan has a brilliant plan to deal with it 

Murder victims required to draw chalk outline around themselves 

And here is a selection of the best headlines from March 2024

Diane Abbott: Tory donor was rude about me 30 times, no, 3000 times, no, 3 million times

Thames water bills must rise or dividends will dry up

Surveillance of dog kennels is dubbed a Snoopy's charter

UN Security Council calls for immediate ceasefire in Tory Party

Home Insulation Targets laid out in Government's New Draft Plan

Boat Race crews say they just went through the motions this year

Russian Presidential Election: Putin practising his surprised face

Photoshop applies for royal warrant

Sexual orientation acronym longer than alphabet

Spoonerism quipsters all ready for Psalm pun day

Picture credit: Wix AI

What's all this white stuff?

GB News Acquired by The Beano

Following the fire-sale purchase of right-wing news organisation InfoWars by satirical site The Onion, financially struggling UK counterpart GB News has announced its acquisition by a similar long-standing publication, The Beano.

'We're delighted to bring GB News under The Beano's masthead,' said Denise Menice, editor-in-chief. 'Thankfully we'll have to make very few alterations, given we've already got Nigel Farage as a perfect Roger the Dodger, telling you how to dodge inheritance tax; Jacob Rees-Mogg was actually the original model for Lord Snooty, so it's really a case of life imitating art; and of course the rest make a great ensemble piece as the numbskulls."

In a Clacton pub, regular viewers were - perhaps shockingly - welcome to the changes. 'So long as they don't take that Michelle Dewberry off the breakfast show,' one supporter remarked, 'she's the only reason I get up in the morning, if you get my drift, fnar fnar!' While another was a little more hesitant, telling us, 'I'm worried about two things: First, the woke agenda sneaking in. None of the kids get whacked with a slipper or a cane any more. I was beaten by my dad and it never did me any harm, if you don't count the PTSD. Second, I hope they don't use all those long words like they do in the comic. I try to read it every week, and have to ask my son for help.'

Image credit: "Street Art in Cabra - Dennis the Menace and Gnasher" by infomatique is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.