Queen renamed to end confusion

With social media once again confused at Buckingham Palace's reports of the Queen's health, news organisations have agreed with the royal household to use updated terminology to stop people confusing Camilla for Elizabeth II.

'This is why we initially wanted to call Camilla the Queen Consort,' said Emily Double-barrelled, Royal Correspondent for the Daily Express. 'Sadly, that got vetoed and it left us at a bit of a loss. The crown also rejected our other suggestions of 'The Queen, no not that one', 'The King's Second Wife', or the slightly too long 'The Queen, but it should have been Diana, she's the real queen of hearts.'

In a statement, The King's private secretary gave clarification on the new acceptable nomenclature, telling us, 'We understand the confusion and that, after 70 years of Queen Elizabeth as monarch, old habits - much like her - die hard. Looking back on recent history, we had Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, and Mary as Dowager Queen. With those in mind, and following discussions with their Majesties, I'm pleased to announce that henceforth - due to the way she came to her title - Queen Camilla is to be known as The Queen's Gambit.'

Image credit: Wix AI

Photo edited to imply Prince Harry has spine

A spokesman for Meghan Markle admitted today that a photo of her and Prince Harry had been edited before being released to news agencies.

The picture, taken during the couple’s famous interview with Oprah Winfrey, clearly implies that the ginger milksop has a spine and is able to sit upright unaided.

'It was never our intention to deceive anyone,” said Markle’s social media manager. “I simply tried to remove the image of Megan’s hand in the middle of Harry’s back, as it looked like she was working his mouth throughout the interview.

'Which obviously is garbage. He was so completely broken and emasculated by then, Megan wouldn’t even need to be in the room to guarantee he’d only say whatever she wanted.'

He also denied editing out Harry’s left hand in broadcast footage of the interview, which some have claimed was repeatedly tapping out “Please help me” in Morse code.

Da Vinci admits he edited the painting of The Last Supper

One of the greatest painters of the Italian Renaissance, has apologised "for any confusion" after he admitted editing a painting of The Last Supper. His statement was posted on the Vatican social media, after the Pope retracted the picture over editing concerns. "Like many artists, I do occasionally experiment with positioning," said Leonado. “Obviously they weren’t all sitting down one side of the table, that would be just mad. If I had depicted them as they were placed we would only have seen the backs of their heads

Several cardinals noted an "inconsistency in alignment of Thomas's raised hand". In his statement on X, formerly Twitter, the painter said: "Hands are really difficult. Have you ever tried to draw a hand? Why do you think Homer Simpson only has three fingers?."

According to art community sources, there were "minor adjustments" made by the artist to the picture that was then posted on an end wall of the dining hall at the monastery of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milan, Italy. The Vatican said it would not be reissuing the original unedited painting, which is believed to show John consulting his iphone, and Judas arguing with a waiter over the bill and who had dessert. They added, “If we had wanted accuracy we would have asked the bloke who did the Turin Shroud.

Image:Pixabay /GDJ