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Djokovic is seen clicking his heels together & repeatedly saying 'There's no place like home'


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Walking in the Media Blizzard of Oz, the embattled tennis player has become the poster boy for anti-vaccination – which makes a change from that Athena tennis girl scratching her butt.



A Judge has ruled whether he should have been in or out of the country, although it is still be referred to a Line Judge. In the meantime, Novak Djokovi will play in the Australian Open, while Covid will be left to play around in the crowd.



His assistant said: ‘We're not in Kansas anymore – although in Kansas they’d still insist on a vaccination’.





No hypocrisy in helping fellow rich arsehole, spokesperson for Farage says


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A spokesperson for anti-immigration, pro-sovereignty politician Nigel Farage has said that his recent whirlwind visit to support Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic in his battle with Australian immigration was not hypocritical, but consistent with Farage's fundamental belief in the right of very rich people to do whatever they liked, regardless of the law or public health.


When an entitled arsehole is in trouble, Mr Farage will fly to the rescue" said a spokesperson. "First class of course".


Mr Farage has released a video of him meeting Mr Djokovic and his brother. Novak smiles, while his brother is thought to be heard saying in Serbian "So this guy's an immigration lawyer is he? He's got government connections? How da f@ck is he going to help us then?"


Following a sarcastic comment from Andy Murray about the politician being better known for "trying to get Eastern Europeans deported", Farage is thought to have been heard saying he will support Novak if he plays "that Scottish tennis player". Farage was expected to enter the Australian Open himself - the veteran's competition of course - but had to withdraw after recently straining his back jumping on a bandwagon.





Chinese tennis player Feng Shui found safe & well rearranging her living room furniture


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The world of tennis was relieved today after the Chinese women's number one and world number four hundred and seven tennis player was found alive and well.


Feng Shui has signed a written confession that she needed to move her sofa into a more balanced position and at a diagonal to her hi-fi unit.


"It's critical that I get the essential components of my life into alignment. The energy map of my house was being disrupted by unwanted attention from a senior communist party leader."


Supreme leader President Xi Jinping was delighted the mystery of Feng Shui's disappearance had been solved. However, he cautioned against the wisdom of allowing women to hit small white balls over nets for large amounts of money when they should be driving tractors and tilling fields.


"It runs the risk of this attractive young woman earning almost as much as me. As a result, she will be attending a re-education centre for three years. Being a forward-thinking democracy, we've agreed to her demands to have a more balanced position in her life, so we're only going to hang her upside down three days a week.





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