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Brave Tories 'helping public' by taking top honours and jobs for life

In the New Year/Liz Truss Honours, selfless Tories and Vote Leave apparatchiks are Taking Back Control TM by saving Joe Public the hassle of joining the House of Lords, and thus receiving a unelected job for life with a hefty salary and real, actual power - so brave. 

Filthy, disgusting ordinary people who have spent years helping to improve their communities and/or raising money for charity can be allocated shiny, but meaningless trinkets. They can even have a nice day out at Buckingham Palace - on the condition that they don't touch anything. 

Ironically, a good government would be improving communities and funding charities anyway, but, like most New Year's resolutions, that's toast by 2nd January.

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