Updated: Dec 21, 2021
After watching the Korean documentary Squid Game, an unseemly row is said to have erupted in cabinet about who gets to use it as a policy.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said ‘Priti Patel suggested 456 refugees playing games to the death on a container ship drifting in the Channel. The last survivor would be offered a life jacket and British passport to paddle back. Patel suggested that the game could be livened up by warplanes strafing the participants. But Rishi Sunak pitched an alternative which he claimed stays closer to the Korean original. 456 people on Universal Credit – therefore in huge debt – fight to the death on a sealed off council estate. The last survivor would be offered an HGV licence. Both agreed Bradley Walsh would present the coverage.’
Hootington-Hurst continued ‘Dominic Raab said only he could truly administer justice but no-one was listening so he went back practising karate in the corner. Liz Truss opened with a joke “Truss-t me, I’m the foreign secretary”. No-one laughed. Then she said she had signed 456 trade deals with some countries that clearly don’t exist and there was a lot of stuff about pork markets. I’m not sure she fully understood the rules. Boris was wearing a hi-vis vest with “The Front Man” written on it. He said they should play British Bulldog to decide. I saw a glint in his eye and a shiv up his sleeve.’