A UK Foreign Secretary who was hastily Lorded for services to patriotic investment in Panama has returned from a bender in Mar-a-Lago. Travelling under the pretence of attempting to meddle in Middle East affairs, the real reason for the trip was to consult with an expert in examining the urinary health of Muscovite prostitutes.
Donald Trump, Experienced Bender (of American law) unduly influenced David Cameron with fine wines. Although it was hard to tell from the vacuous slurred speech, so it could just as easily have been fine swine.
As well as solidifying thinking on continuing to assist war-crimey genocidal maniacs on the fringes of Europe, a special extra bonus benefit for the UK was achieved. Sources close to Cameron's piggy banks have confirmed that the former Prime Minister now believes the erection was stolen from him. As a result, Conservative Party sympathisers should muster their artificially induced anger outside Parliament and await the secret signal, codenamed 'Stormy'.