The new deal announced today, filling a £68 billion drop in sales to the EU with a wholesome £1.7 billion deal involving mainly bananas, was described by Prime Minister Johnson 'exactly what we promised you - less money being spent on us, more airmiles to Johnny Foreigner places.'
The EU trade negotiators have quietly downloaded Lis Truss' CV from LinkedIn and are thought to be putting a hostile bid to snatch hew away from the British negotiating team as soon as possible. 'With skills like hers we can't afford to squander the opportunities she creates,' said an envious EU trade expert. 'She makes small gains look huge and huge losses appear as if they don't count. If only we had her negotiating skills on our team.
A spokesperson for Ms Truss insisted she wasn't going anywhere. 'I've seen her appraisal, popularity ratings and, crucially, her passport has been locked away in a drawer until she produces something - anything - remotely useful. Off the record, obvs,' he added.