'Call us lovably innocent and child-like,' said a FIFA spokesman, 'but we really think that something wonderful will happen on Christmas morning in Gaza, with Hamas fighters and Israel Defense Force troops emerging from their trenches and striding across the rubble-strewn wastelands towards each other – hands outstretched - to swap seasonal good wishes and offer each other cigarettes.
'Furthermore, we fully expect a jolly game of football simultaneously to ensue, and we are now opening the bidding for sponsors for this sublimely heart-warming event.
'The 2023 Gaza Spontaneous Seasonal Soccer Game (TM) needs an official soft drink, an official beer, an official time-keeper, and an agreeable five-star hotel for FIFA executives to stay in - free of charge - throughout this unique and life-affirming event.
'We’ve been surprised to learn that some people doubt that the IDF and Hamas will spontaneously decide to kick footballs around with each other to celebrate the birth of Our Lord and Saviour, the Prince of Peace – on the basis that neither side are Christian, and they simply hate each other too much.
'All we can say is that in our experience, if you are a multi-national corporation and you are prepared to shovel very, very large amounts of cash in the direction of the things you want, you can generally buy quite a lot of wonderful surprises for yourself.
'So just send your usual, huge cheques to our usual bank account in Switzerland and seize the chance to be connected with an up-coming Christmas miracle in the Holy Lands which will be remembered by consumers forever!'
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