Updated: Nov 15, 2022
The huge chasm between the rates for borrowing money and those offered to savers by banks is to replace the Grand Canyon as one of the Wonders of the World, it has been announced.
‘It’s about time this gap got some kind of recognition’, said bank account holder Mike McBride.
‘I regularly stand there staring at my bank statement, speechless, in simple open-mouthed awe, comparing the 5% or 6% interest rate on my mortgage with the 0.5% offered to me on my admittedly measly levels of savings’
‘I was lucky enough to be looking at the gap last week and saw it increase in size in front of my eyes – something to tell the grandchildren’, continued McBride.
‘When the Bank of England increased the base rate, my mortgage rate immediately went up by the full 0.75% but my savings rate inched up by 0.00001%. You have to marvel at the sheer magnitude and scale of the gap – I hope it gets identified as a UNESCO heritage site or something’.
‘This is nonsense – there are some very competitive savings rates still available to customers’ said Sir Hugh Gevault of the Bankers Federation.
‘A number of our banks actually have a very generous 1.5% rate currently available to all savers. All we ask is that savers keep a minimum of £500,000 untouched in the bank there for a period of 199 years, and if they make a single withdrawal in this time, we would of course take all their children as a penalty charge’.
‘Mine and my banking executives’ eye-watering bonus levels, however’, continued Gevault. ‘Now they are a modern wonder of the world. Long may they continue’