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Government likely to scrap HS2

The government is considering scrapping the expensive HS2 vanity project, in the hope that money can be found to pay for its significantly more expensive legal costs when it gets its collar felt over its abuse of its time in power.

With it becoming ever more likely that the Tories will lose the next election and the public will be baying for blood over the appalling situation it has been left in after 14 years of corrupt and incompetent government, contingency plans are being made in the hope of saving money so the taxpayer can pay for legal representation when cabinet ministers who served since 2010 are tried for their crimes.

It isn’t clear at this stage whether the former Director of Public Prosecutions will look as kindly on these scroats as happened when public funding was made available for legal representation to challenge booting Boris Johnson out of parliament, but a source close to the government told Newsbiscuit that if Starmer didn’t have to worry about finding the billions needed to complete HS2, there’s a chance he may look more favourably on the plight ex-ministers will be faced with.

Our political correspondent was unable at this stage to establish from the shadow cabinet if such a move would be feasible when Labour is in power due to the hysterical laughter that broke out when he asked.

A Savile Row spokes-Sinbad* let on that he and his colleagues are working on bespoke designs for prison outfits in the hope their most prestigious customers will be allowed to wear them.

*Sinbad the Sailor = Tailor

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