‘I needed to take a dump’ says Streeting

Health Secretary Wes Streeting insisted he only spent 20 minutes with the Prime Minister at Downing Street yesterday morning because he needed to take a dump.

Streeting said the impromptu call was a result of a particularly spicy prawn jalfrezi that had triggered a violent bowel movement soon after leaving the house.

‘Me and a couple of mates stopped off for a few beers on the way home from work and ended up in the local curry house’ said Wes ‘…..it absolutely trashed my insides this morning. I was in the Downing Street area and decided I could just about make the downstairs toilet before soiling myself.

'I only saw Keir for a brief moment …..I had run out of toilet paper, and he passed me a roll under the door.

'On the way out I said ‘I'd give it five minutes if I were you’…..he wasn’t very pleased. I think he thought I meant five minutes before resigning, but I meant five minutes for the jalfrezi to clear.

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