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Johnson only visited Kyiv to scope out local tax laws

Boris Johnson recently visited Ukraine to determine its suitability as somewhere for Tory cabinet ministers and their spouses to be domiciled but obviously not to live.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'The Channel and Cayman Islands are a bit passé these days. For elite tax dodging, you've got to start hitting war zones. If you get caught, you disguise it as a photo op with a younger, more charismatic, more popular leader and donate them some weapons.'

'Alternatively you can throw a little shiny-suited strop and demand an inquiry into how your wife's dubious non-dom status leaked and keep the story of you as Scrooge McDuck alive for longer. Rishi can no longer get aroused unless he can see the raw desperation in the eyes of the proletariat. First he lowers his tax liability, then his trousers.'

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