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  • Writer's pictureSully

Mortgage holders urged to drink 150 pints of beer per day to break even



Disappointing children’s action figure Rishi Sunak has urged homeowners to work harder on their drinking in order to overcome rising mortgages.


‘Look, I realise most people are paying an extra £500 per month, and that’s apparently challenging for many of you’, he told reporters. ‘That’s why we’ve reduced the price of a pint of beer by 11p. A mere 151 pints a day is the break-even point. Obviously it would be better if you just bought the house outright, but if you will insist on using a mortgage you can now offset some or all of the additional expense with cheap beer’.


Critics have pointed out that beer duty hasn’t fallen, it’s stayed the same – in pubs – while rising 10.1% on cans and bottles from off-licences.


‘Ah’, said Sunak, ‘I’m glad you spotted that. Inflation means that a price freeze is the same as a price cut. Glad we cleared that up. I want to get people back into pubs – don’t ask me why, I assume Infosys has just bought a few thousand – so I’m making them more competitive’.


If the beer thing proves popular with voters Sunak has promised to take a look at bread and circuses.

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