Pearl clutchers 'secretly relieved' by the return of Meghan Markle

The return of Harry and Meghan to the UK is not news, but that hasn't stopped it being treated like news. But it is not news. 

Pearl clutching Daily Mail readers across the UK – especially in the Home Counties – have been furious about this non-news. However, many are also secretly relieved, with some even quietly fist pumping and Nazi saluting in celebration.

'It's just not the same when she's in America,' trilled one openly racist woman. 'When Meghan is here in the UK, I can hate her with the heat of a thousand suns, based purely on the colour of her skin. What fun! I'm not a racist – well, not a common racist, like that ghastly Nigel Farage. The newspapers are on my side.'

'I did buy some Harry and Meghan crockery, but only so I could smash it like a Greek wedding. Hooray! I mean... Booo!'

Image credit: deep dream generator. Two for one offer on Meghan Markle, apparently.

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