Prostitutes dismayed at missing out on honours list again

The hardest working sector of trade and industry has once again been overlooked in the Queen's honours list. Representatives of horizontal dance groups and other angles have expressed bitter dismay at once again not being considered for even an entry level MBE.

Strictly Dominatrix from Slough said, "During the last couple of years, we have been the hardest hit. I mean, our industry has had no support, and it's not like furlough has been laid on a table in front of us. We are front line essential key workers like any others, but we were offered no personal protection equipment, and not even a bump up the jab list."

"Our members have been risking it all out there on the streets, but we haven't had one peep of recognition for what we do. We had high hopes that our hardest working girl, Pumpy Breasticles, was going to be honoured for services to services, but she has been let down again."

"Our assets have been stripped bare, and we're clinging on tightly like our lives depend on it. That's despite the fact some of our girls and boys are better connected than Newmarket pub landlords. Phillippa Phuckingham-Phallus regularly tends to the needs of royalty, and Stiffy McWhip has had half of the Government Cabinet. Sometimes in actual cabinets. But absolutely nothing for any of us. It's a real slap in the face."

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