It has been decided that since so many high ranking members of the SNP are under police investigation, but this probably won’t stop Scots voting for them, the simplest thing is to make HMP Edinburgh the official seat of the Scottish government.
It’s thought votes and press conferences will now be held in the visiting area, to allow those SNP MSPs not yet in prison to take part as well.
The move will involve some changes of nomenclature, a party spokesman admitted today. Party Treasurer Colin Beattie will now become Head of the Escape Committee, whereas former Chief Executive (and Nicola Sturgeon’s husband) Peter Murrell will henceforth be known as “the daddy of B wing”.
The spokesman denied there was anything suspicious about Sturgeon visiting her husband using the motorhome they allegedly bought with party funds, and it definitely wasn’t part of an escape attempt. He also confirmed that her wig would be thoroughly searched, both on the way in and the way out.