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Snooker's links to Big Oil exposed

Rumoured links between the green baize and the black gold have been thrown into orange powdery relief by Just Stop Oil's protest, as they interrupted the World Snooker Championships.

Stories about Steve Davis laughing whilst pouring oil onto sea birds and Stephen Hendry killing orang-utans gangland execution style have abounded for years. Ronnie O'Sullivan is apparently a notorious dolphin hater, whilst Mark Selby only feels truly alive setting wildfires in areas of outstanding natural beauty. John Higgins' extensive logging of the Amazon is said to be motivated only by the desire to watch it all burn.

Snooker fan Naveed Nasir said, 'I'm here for some grindingly attritional safety battles and an afternoon nap, not colourful protest.'

Conspiracy theorist Rachel Rutherford whispered, 'Oil is black and what colour is the highest value ball in snooker? That cannot be a coincidence.'

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