Starmer close to completing Covid loyalty card

One man passion vacuum Keir Starmer has caught Covid for a second time. His 4 additional spells of enforced self-isolation had already made him the unluckiest Labour leader since Gordon Brown called a bigoted woman 'a bigoted woman' but got caught.

Starmer - the only person ever to be Tracked and Traced - is close to getting the coveted final stamp on his Covid loyalty card and ascending to platinum membership.

Labour activist Bob Bridlington denied that Angela Rayner was seen making a set of Starmer voodoo dolls and posting them straight to Wuhan. He noted 'Keir's commitment is such that he is single handedly skewing the government's Covid stats. And it's not as though self-isolating massively interferes with his social life. Plus he'll get a free coffee if it happens again.'

​Rees-Mogg announces the publication of a new weekly pamphlet in support of Johnson		Starmer to relaunch the Titanic... again

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 6 Jan 2022

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Lego to Replace Bitcoins