'There's no punchline, I'm just taking it. All of your money, all for me. You lot can go f$ck yourselves. [leave gap for my maniacal laughter and the uproarious applause of the great unwashed]'
This more abrasive first draft of Rishi Sunak's recent 'the next few years will be dangerous' speech, was originally to include a call and response section of "Who's the boogeyman", "Starmer's the boogeyman". The speech's finale would see Sunak wave a wad of cash at the audience shouting 'This is going to keep me safe. You lot - and I cannot stress this enough - can go f$ck yourselves.'
Passer-by Tara Taylor said 'Who's more dangerous, Rishi Sunak or Keir Starmer? It's obviously Rishi Sunak, but I would rather be left alone in the woods with a bear. Actually, is it too late to vote for chaos with Ed Miliband?'