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The warmest month on record can be stopped by a longer Solar Eclipse

US scientists have just the plan: 'The trouble with a four-minute solar eclipse, is it's way too short. We need to permanently dial down God's thermostat. So we propose shifting the Moon into a regular blocking position or find the off-button for the Sun.

'We've had 10 record months of heat in a row, but that can all change if we find enough sticky tape to hold the Moon in place. Failing that, we'd need to make a 1,000-mile-wide Moon shape on a stick. A stick which would need to be 200,000 miles long. I suppose we could compromise on the stick if the person holding it had very long arms. But in practical terms, it's unrealistic to expect one person to hold that stick for that length of time. They would ache.

'So really we're back to the idea of extinguishing the Sun. The key is to lick your fingers and squeeze the Sun real quickly. We don't anticipate there being a downside to switching off the Sun's rays - other than the collapse of the sunglasses industry. Oh yeah, and all of you who invested in solar panels are going to look pretty stupid now.'

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